Category: False remorse

How to spot a non-apology

How to spot a non-apology

As we saw with Saul in our last article, abusers might employ a barrage of emotional abuse tactics that can make it very difficult to know how to spot a non-apology. Those tactics can make conversations about harm and responsibility very confusing. To cut through that...

Saul’s skill at non-apologies

Saul’s skill at non-apologies

As part of his armoury of abusive tactics, we can see Saul’s skill at non-apologies. If we understand his tactics, that can help us spot non-apologies in our own situations.

In our last few articles, we have been looking at some of the story of King Saul, and his son Jonathan. The few details we have of Saul’s life give us many examples of emotional and physical abuse, and one of his tactics was to avoid responsibility for his behaviour. Avoiding responsibility is a key feature of abuse. That hasn’t changed over millennia.

No good tree bears bad fruit

No good tree bears bad fruit

No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.

Jesus talked about the difference between good and bad people with directness and clarity we don’t often hear repeated. He certainly never claimed we could be perfect. He died, willingly, knowing that was the depth of our need for God’s help. But at the same time, Jesus was very clear about standards of behaviour that we could follow, despite our imperfect ethics. He continually reinforced how critical it was for us to follow those standards, for the sake of others.

Enduring with God through severe disagreement

Enduring with God through severe disagreement

Those who have been in any abusive relationships might have some exquisitely painful issues in relating to God. It can be extremely complicated, and the last relationship one might want to have complications in. A number of abuse tactics involve the abuser trying to...

Are abusers aware of their behaviour?

Are abusers aware of their behaviour?

Are abusers aware of what they are doing? Overlapping with the question of whether abusers are deliberate is: are they aware? Aware of what they are doing? Aware of the harm it causes? Knowing the answer to those questions might make a profound difference in what a...

Some trust in chariots and some in horses

Some trust in chariots and some in horses

One of the many difficult and important challenges for victims of abuse is to predict future behaviour. Is the abuser going to change? Abuse often happens in a cycle, with increasing tension until there is an episode, followed by a show of “remorse” from the abuser,...

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