Category: Gaslighting

Good shepherds cherish their sheep

Good shepherds cherish their sheep

Jesus made it abundantly clear that good shepherds cherish their sheep, while wolves are intent on doing harm. And there is a sense in which we are all called to be shepherds.
We all have a responsibility to care for the humans around us, and those responsibilities are reflected in our daily communication and interactions as well as in larger ways. Even children can learn to be increasingly kind and respectful of others.

What does it mean to cherish someone?

What does it mean to cherish someone?

What does it mean to cherish someone? It’s a word that is often used in wedding vows, but it is relevant in all our relationships.

When Paul and Timothy wrote to the Colossians, they praised them for the love they held for all people, and that sense of holding love is like cherishing.

Eli, Hophni, and Phinehas

Eli, Hophni, and Phinehas

One of the harshest punishments we ever see in the Old Testament is towards Eli, Hophni, and Phinehas. What did they do that was so wrong?

1 and 2 Samuel are full of stories and examples about abuse. That makes sense. Sin plays a heavy role in the way these stories progress, and what we now call “abuse” is a grouping of different harmful or toxic behaviours: different sins.

The value of true friends

The value of true friends

What is the value of true friends? Dedicated abusers can be really good at turning up the heat. One part of the cycle of abuse, in fact, is to apply more and more pressure until their victim does something apparently worthy of complaint. For example, an abuser might...

He knows you, and delights in you

He knows you, and delights in you

Where is God in the turmoil of abuse, or other trauma? Over and over again, we see people in the Bible asking this question. If you’ve been following this series, we grappled with it in the story of Lazarus. But what about us, now? One of the last things Jesus did...

The Paraclete

The Paraclete

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains where does my help come from?” Two of the most powerful tools of abusers are to isolate, and to confuse. Or, really, to disrupt our capacity to hear from others, from our innermost self, and from...

Enduring with God through severe disagreement

Enduring with God through severe disagreement

If you have been any abusive relationships you might have some exquisitely painful issues in relating to God. Trauma and the context of spiritual abuse can make one's relationship with God extremely complicated, and this is the last relationship you might want to have...

How can I be a friend to someone in need?

How can I be a friend to someone in need?

How can I be a friend to someone in need? The psalmist wrote:

May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

One of the most difficult challenges for a victim of abuse is to be believed. Even by their friends. Abusers play on it and often use tactics to perpetrate further abuse through other people. These third parties are colloquially known as “flying monkeys”, reminiscent of the servants of the Wicked Witch of the West. Some might be only too glad to join in on hurting someone, but many will be innocent and unaware of the way they are being used.

I wait for Yahweh, my whole being waits

I wait for Yahweh, my whole being waits

Out of the depths I cry to you, Yahweh.

It is so easy to rush through a psalm without imagining the tone of voice. Even the phrase, “tearful prayers”, might significantly miss the depth of this person’s distress.

Again, out of the many names for God, the writer of Psalm 130 has chosen the name God suggested to Moses – when Moses was struggling to accept the task of bringing hope to a group of people who had been trapped in slavery. Trapped, for generations. These were people who suffered ongoing systemic, physical, financial, reproductive, and emotional abuse. Probably more.

Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy on us

Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy on us

We are looking at Psalm 123 as part of our series on the Songs of Ascents.

Abuse is torture. It’s difficult to go into that without raising triggers for people. But in the many different forms of abuse: all are dehumanising. Among the dozens of abusive behaviours a perpetrator is likely to be practised at are many that seek to disrupt a victim’s capacity to know and see clearly.

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