Category: Manipulation

Saul’s skill at non-apologies

Saul’s skill at non-apologies

As part of his armoury of abusive tactics, we can see Saul’s skill at non-apologies. If we understand his tactics, that can help us spot non-apologies in our own situations.

In our last few articles, we have been looking at some of the story of King Saul, and his son Jonathan. The few details we have of Saul’s life give us many examples of emotional and physical abuse, and one of his tactics was to avoid responsibility for his behaviour. Avoiding responsibility is a key feature of abuse. That hasn’t changed over millennia.

Sift the lies from the truth

Sift the lies from the truth

We have been looking at some of the ways we can sift the lies from the truth despite the mess created by abuse, and the story of Elijah gives us some clues. Much of what God did with Elijah was simply care for and affirm him. But God also helped Elijah refine his understanding of what was happening around him.

It’s possible Elijah was experiencing some degree of hypervigilance. There was certainly cause for that. Elijah was on the run for his life.

The sons of Belial and Hophni and Phinehas

The sons of Belial and Hophni and Phinehas

"Sons of Belial" is a Hebrew term that can help us find stories of abuse in the Bible. There are many examples of abuse in the Bible, but as mentioned previously, the Bible doesn’t categorise abuse in the same way we do now. It refers to abusive behaviours as specific...

Why didn’t Jesus help Lazarus sooner?

Why didn’t Jesus help Lazarus sooner?

Why didn't Jesus help Lazarus sooner? We have been looking over the last few days at the story of Martha, Mary, Lazarus, and Jesus. We've looked at the shock of Jesus not turning up in time to help, and at his deep respect for boundaries. So far, the focus has largely...

How long, Yahweh, will you forget me forever?

How long, Yahweh, will you forget me forever?

How long, Yahweh, will you forget me forever? Psalm 13 sounds like the world of a person who is experiencing intense turmoil and confusion. And not briefly. Can you relate? Listen to his cry: “Is this going to continue forever? I am sad...

Who is affected by abuse?

Who is affected by abuse?

When we slow down and look at what is happening in Hannah’s relationships, it becomes clear how much she is suffering. But what about other people in her family? We know kids are vulnerable to domestic violence. Just watching it makes them victims of child abuse....

Is abuse deliberate?

Is abuse deliberate?

Is abuse deliberate? This is a very important question for both victims and advisers in response to abusive behaviour. My best understanding is it depends on the case, and before exploring the issue I want to again recommend people get specific advice from an...

Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy on us

Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy on us

We are looking at Psalm 123 as part of our series on the Songs of Ascents.

Abuse is torture. It’s difficult to go into that without raising triggers for people. But in the many different forms of abuse: all are dehumanising. Among the dozens of abusive behaviours a perpetrator is likely to be practised at are many that seek to disrupt a victim’s capacity to know and see clearly.

Too long have I lived among those who hate peace

Too long have I lived among those who hate peace

What is life like for those who are living with abuse? The psalmist wrote: Too long have I lived among those who hate peace Living with abuse is a daily experience for many. Abusers do not need to fill their time with violence, anger,...

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