Category: Empathy

How to help a friend in a toxic relationship

How to help a friend in a toxic relationship

It can be heartbreaking to watch someone you care about remain stuck in a dangerous situation. And it can be hard to know how to help a friend in a toxic relationship. It’s easy to feel powerless. So if you have a friend in a dangerous marriage or other abusive situation, what can you do?

One of the most important things to keep in mind – and hopefully this is a relief – is that there are some wonderful organisations out there who can help. The best professionals know when they are getting outside their area of expertise, and the importance of connecting people with the best support. So the number one tip we have to give, far above any other piece of advice, is to help your friend connect with experts who can help them. That is, refer.

Deep calls to deep

Deep calls to deep

“Deep calls to deep, in the roar of your waterfalls”

I’ve written earlier about the experience of having significant disagreements with God. I’d like to suggest some of those ongoing disagreements might demonstrate we are listening to his image in us. If we are moved by compassion and concern for others, doesn’t that sound like an expression of the fruit of the Spirit?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Made in the image of God

Made in the image of God

Being made in the image of God gives us innate value. One of the clear evils of abuse is disrespect for the image of God in people. Rather, God created us as incredibly precious creatures, and to love and cherish a person involves holding high regard for this being God made.

What does it mean to cherish someone?

What does it mean to cherish someone?

What does it mean to cherish someone? It’s a word that is often used in wedding vows, but it is relevant in all our relationships.

When Paul and Timothy wrote to the Colossians, they praised them for the love they held for all people, and that sense of holding love is like cherishing.

Eli, Hophni, and Phinehas

Eli, Hophni, and Phinehas

One of the harshest punishments we ever see in the Old Testament is towards Eli, Hophni, and Phinehas. What did they do that was so wrong?

1 and 2 Samuel are full of stories and examples about abuse. That makes sense. Sin plays a heavy role in the way these stories progress, and what we now call “abuse” is a grouping of different harmful or toxic behaviours: different sins.

Am I losing my faith? (PTSD)

Am I losing my faith? (PTSD)

In the last few posts, we have been looking at an important question that comes up for many victims of abuse: “Am I losing my faith?” We’ve had a brief look at some of the impact of depression and anxiety. These conditions can express themselves in a huge variety of...

Am I losing my faith? (Anxiety)

Am I losing my faith? (Anxiety)

This series has been looking at the turmoil of abuse and leaving abuse. In that mess, it’s common for a Christian person to wonder, “Am I losing my faith?” Others might have the opposite experience. Yesterday we had a brief look at depression. That is, we merely...

Am I losing my faith? (Depression)

Am I losing my faith? (Depression)

Am I losing my faith if I suffer depression? At the start of this series on turmoil, we looked at some of the difficulties people might experience in relating to God when they are suffering from trauma. Is it ok to be angry with God? To question him, to disagree with...

Carrying a heavy load

Carrying a heavy load

Are you carrying a heavy load? There is a difficult problem in that committed abusers will seek to load their victims up with impossible burdens and expectations. It’s a game. Then, even after leaving abuse, a victim may have a massive volume of external and internal...

The value of true friends

The value of true friends

What is the value of true friends? Dedicated abusers can be really good at turning up the heat. One part of the cycle of abuse, in fact, is to apply more and more pressure until their victim does something apparently worthy of complaint. For example, an abuser might...

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