Category: Healthy friendships

Is Jesus safe to allow in?

Is Jesus safe to allow in?

Experiences of trauma can make it difficult to be confident: is Jesus safe to allow in? We have been looking at the story of Martha, Mary, Lazarus, and Jesus, and to remind ourselves of Lazarus’s perspective: he believed Jesus could heal him. He counted Jesus as a...

Why didn’t Jesus help Lazarus sooner?

Why didn’t Jesus help Lazarus sooner?

Why didn't Jesus help Lazarus sooner? We have been looking over the last few days at the story of Martha, Mary, Lazarus, and Jesus. We've looked at the shock of Jesus not turning up in time to help, and at his deep respect for boundaries. So far, the focus has largely...

Jesus shows deep respect for boundaries

Jesus shows deep respect for boundaries

One of the beautiful things we see in the gospels is that Jesus shows deep respect for boundaries. Yesterday we started looking at the story of Martha, Mary, Lazarus, and Jesus and got as far as Lazarus’s death, and Jesus’ failure to arrive. You might like to read...

Closer than a brother

Closer than a brother

“There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”

It is a completely normal response to suffering to wonder if God cares.

Honestly, he has a whole world to manage. A whole universe. And in that world are literally billions of people. Billions are, in fact, suffering. Plus he is working out plans that affect the whole human race, and those plans affect everybody’s eternal well-being.

How long, O God?

How long, O God?

How do we relate to God while going through trauma? You might resonate with the cry, “How long, O God?”

In the midst of deep anguish, hanging on for dear life, attacked by those around him, David cried out to God. Just as Hannah did a generation earlier:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Are abusers aware of their behaviour?

Are abusers aware of their behaviour?

Are abusers aware of what they are doing? Overlapping with the question of whether abusers are deliberate is: are they aware? Aware of what they are doing? Aware of the harm it causes? Knowing the answer to those questions might make a profound difference in what a...

How can I be a friend to someone in need?

How can I be a friend to someone in need?

How can I be a friend to someone in need? The psalmist wrote:

May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

One of the most difficult challenges for a victim of abuse is to be believed. Even by their friends. Abusers play on it and often use tactics to perpetrate further abuse through other people. These third parties are colloquially known as “flying monkeys”, reminiscent of the servants of the Wicked Witch of the West. Some might be only too glad to join in on hurting someone, but many will be innocent and unaware of the way they are being used.

May Yahweh answer you when you are in distress

May Yahweh answer you when you are in distress

May Yahweh answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. Psalm...

Boundaries and safe behaviour

Boundaries and safe behaviour

Creating a healthy community requires the practice of boundaries and safe behaviour. If you have been following along in this series and can recall Psalm 120, this pilgrimage was a journey away from a place of danger. The psalmist wrote:

“I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war,”

Although the Songs of Ascents had other meanings and purposes, the evil behaviour they describe is abuse. In the same way, the slavery the Hebrews experienced in Egypt was abuse.

How good and pleasant it is

How good and pleasant it is

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity.”

As we come near to the end of our series on the Songs of Ascents, I feel for those who are still trapped in abuse, or who are in the early stages of escaping. We have, in the space of a few weeks, travelled from danger to sanctuary. Life is not that simple for victims of any significant trauma, let alone victims of abuse.

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