“I lift up my eyes to the mountains where does my help come from?” Two of the most powerful tools of abusers are to isolate, and to confuse. Or, really, to disrupt our capacity to hear from others, from our innermost self, and from...
Category: Emotional Abuse
Why didn’t Jesus help Lazarus sooner?
Why didn't Jesus help Lazarus sooner? We have been looking over the last few days at the story of Martha, Mary, Lazarus, and Jesus. We've looked at the shock of Jesus not turning up in time to help, and at his deep respect for boundaries. So far, the focus has largely...
Has God forgotten me?
Have you ever wondered, "Has God forgotten me?" If so, you are not the first. This is not a new experience. We find the same question expressed over and over again in the Bible. For example, David cried out: How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will...
Hannah and the Sons of Eli
We aren’t given much detail about the background of Hannah’s story, but it seems most likely her and her family were at Shiloh to celebrate the Passover. It is common to associate the Passover with freedom from slavery, but less common to think about slavery in terms...
Hannah’s character
There is so much to admire in Hannah. She is really a lovely person to write about. However, as I write it’s Mothers’ day in Australia, and she is one of those for whom such a day would have been very difficult for many years. Even after she had Samuel, I would...
Who is affected by abuse?
When we slow down and look at what is happening in Hannah’s relationships, it becomes clear how much she is suffering. But what about other people in her family? We know kids are vulnerable to domestic violence. Just watching it makes them victims of child abuse....
Are abusers aware of their behaviour?
Are abusers aware of what they are doing? Overlapping with the question of whether abusers are deliberate is: are they aware? Aware of what they are doing? Aware of the harm it causes? Knowing the answer to those questions might make a profound difference in what a...
Is abuse deliberate?
Is abuse deliberate? This is a very important question for both victims and their supporters in response to abusive behaviour. Drs John and Julie Gottman, founders of the Gottman Institute, distinguish between "situational" and "characterological" abuse. In...
Some trust in chariots and some in horses
One of the many difficult and important challenges for victims of abuse is to predict future behaviour. Is the abuser going to change? Abuse often happens in a cycle, with increasing tension until there is an episode, followed by a show of “remorse” from the abuser,...
How can I be a friend to someone in need?
How can I be a friend to someone in need? The psalmist wrote:
May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
One of the most difficult challenges for a victim of abuse is to be believed. Even by their friends. Abusers play on it and often use tactics to perpetrate further abuse through other people. These third parties are colloquially known as “flying monkeys”, reminiscent of the servants of the Wicked Witch of the West. Some might be only too glad to join in on hurting someone, but many will be innocent and unaware of the way they are being used.